Curious about your Therapist?
If you’re attending therapy or thinking about starting, you might wonder whether it’s ok to ask your therapist personal questions.
Therapy is an intimate space. Each week you’re invited to speak about parts of yourself you may never share anywhere else, so it’s completely understandable to feel curious about the person sitting opposite you.
And yet, many clients hesitate. They worry about crossing a boundary or making things uncomfortable. If that’s been your experience, let me say this: yes, it’s absolutely ok to ask your therapist a personal question.
Will my Therapist answer?
Maybe. Maybe not.
But this isn’t about you doing something wrong or stepping over a line. It’s about how each therapist works.
Some therapists share a little about themselves if it genuinely supports the work. Others keep their personal lives private, so the focus stays fully on the client. Most therapists will quietly ask themselves: Does answering this help my client? Or might it be more helpful to explore what’s underneath the question instead?
There’s no universal rule here, just thoughtful decisions made in the moment.
Your curiosity isn’t crossing a boundary.
Curiosity often shows up when therapy begins to feel safe. Therapists expect it. It doesn’t mean the client is being nosy or inappropriate. Sometimes, wanting to know a little more about your therapist helps you settle, connect, or feel more at ease in the room.
Very often, a personal question carries something beneath it; a feeling or a need asking to be heard, such as:
seeking reassurance
wanting connection or transparency
comparing your own experiences to your therapist’s
trying to understand the power dynamic
wondering if they truly “get” you
feeling vulnerable and wanting to level the field
testing safety
Whatever sits beneath the question matters. Sometimes exploring that can be more meaningful than the factual answer itself.
If you’re unsure how to bring it up
If you’re unsure about asking a personal question, you might say something like: “I have a personal question, and I’m not sure if it’s appropriate to ask. Can we talk about it?”
This opens the door softly. It allows the conversation to unfold honestly and with care, without pressure or awkwardness.
How I approach personal questions
In my own practice, I don’t mind at all when clients ask me personal questions. It often tells me that something meaningful is happening in the relationship. If I feel that answering will genuinely support the client or bring clarity to the work, I’ll say so openly. If there’s a question I choose not to answer, I’ll explain why. Not to shut anything down, but to keep the space safe, honest, and focused on the client's needs.
For me, it’s never about avoiding my client. It’s about staying close to the heart of the work and making sure they feel understood, rather than left wondering.
What it really comes down to
Yes, it’s ok to ask your therapist personal questions. Curiosity is human, and it’s a great thing. It’s part of building trust, part of settling into the relationship, and it’s always welcome in the therapy room.
If something is on your mind (a question, a feeling, a worry), bring it into the conversation. Therapy works best when you feel safe sharing everything that’s real for you, including the questions you’re not quite sure you’re allowed to ask.
Always ask, you’re not crossing a line!
Dearbhaill
