What I mean when I say “go gently this week”
In my therapy sessions, I often end with the phrase, mind yourself and go gently this week. Last week, one of my clients asked me what I meant when I said go gently.
When I say go gently, I’m speaking to the pace you carry yourself with.
So often, we move through our days braced for the next demand, the next decision, the next thing we might get wrong. Even rest can sometimes feel like something to perform well.
Going gently begins with simply noticing this constant bracing, this way of stretching yourself thin and racing through never-ending To-Do lists.
To ‘go gently’ is to recognise that you are human, and as such, you will get tired, overwhelmed, feel uncertain, irritated, and sometimes stuck, because all of this is part of being a person. We won’t always cope well, think clearly, or respond in the way we wish we could.
When we forget this, we treat ourselves like projects to be managed or problems to be solved. We push past our own signals, expecting consistency, clarity, and resilience at all times. To go gently is to notice those expectations and be curious about them.
In practice, it might look like softening your expectations, not lowering your standards, but loosening the grip of self-judgement. It might mean letting one thing be unfinished, unanswered, or saying no and putting yourself and your needs first.
It might mean allowing yourself off days without needing to justify them, letting feelings be present without rushing to make sense of them, and giving yourself space to simply be, even when that includes anger, fatigue, frustration, or a quiet sadness.
Gentleness isn’t passive. It doesn’t mean giving up or opting out of life. In fact, it’s the complete opposite, as it often takes more courage to pause than to push through. Gentleness asks you to listen, especially when your instinct is to override yourself.
In my work as a psychotherapist, going gently is often where therapy begins.
In therapy, rather than rushing toward solutions, we slow things down. We become curious about patterns, emotions, and coping strategies that once made sense, even if they no longer serve us.
This slower, more attuned way of working helps create a sense of safety, not just in the therapy room, but within yourself. When we’re met without judgment, our nervous system settles. From there, reflection deepens, insight emerges, and lasting change becomes possible
Gentleness creates room. Room for honesty. Room for feelings that have been pushed aside. Room for parts of ourselves that learned early on that we needed to harden to cope. Room to truly see our authentic selves.
When we go gently, we signal safety rather than urgency. And from that place, growth tends to come more naturally and more sustainably.
So if you can, this week:
Do one thing each day a little more slowly.
Notice when you’re pushing yourself out of habit rather than necessity.
Be curious about how you speak to yourself. In particular, notice when you’re being harsh with yourself.
Going gently doesn’t mean your life will suddenly feel easier, but it might make it feel less relentless, and it might give you space.
And that little bit of space matters more than we might realise
Go gently this week,
Dearbhaill
