In therapy, we often turn toward the quieter things, what matters, what hurts, what steadies us, what pulls us forward. Values live in this gentle space. Our values aren’t rules or expectations, they’re more like the inner compass points that help you move through life in a way that feels true.

Most people come to therapy because something isn’t sitting right. They feel stuck, overwhelmed, disconnected, or unsure of their direction. Exploring values can bring a kind of clarity that isn’t about fixing yourself, but about understanding yourself.

This comes up more often than people think. And I’ll be honest, I’ve had times in my own therapy where I felt it too.

There were sessions where I walked out wondering what the point was. Times when I felt nothing had shifted. Weeks where the work felt uncomfortable, slow, or just… flat. I remember thinking, “Is this genuinely helping, or am I just talking in circles?” Other weeks felt raw, like something old had been stirred up, and I wasn’t sure why I’d willingly signed up for it.

We live in a world that loves shortcuts. We’re encouraged to optimise, streamline, “fix it fast.” There’s a tip for everything: better sleep, less anxiety, more confidence, stronger boundaries. And while there’s nothing wrong with small supportive practices, the idea that a quick hack can heal something deep, layered, and human is not only misleading, it’s dangerous.

Psychotherapists see the real cost of this culture. Clients arrive exhausted from trying to “self-improve” their way out of pain and deep rooted emotions. They’ve read the books, saved the Instagram posts, listened to the podcasts and watched the videos. They’ve tried grounding exercises, affirmations, and breathing techniques, but still feel anxious. And they quietly wonder, What’s wrong with me that these things aren’t enough?

If I could go back and speak to my younger self, I’d tell her that friendships change, that people grow, and sometimes they grow in different directions.

Growing up, I thought friendships needed to be forever. I held on tightly, even when something in me knew the connection was shifting. I didn’t yet understand that people grow at different rhythms, and sometimes the kindest thing we can do, for ourselves (and others) is to let those shifts happen without blame or shame.