When thoughts spiral: A compassionate look at overthinking
Overthinking is one of the most common struggles people bring into therapy, though it rarely arrives under that name. It shows up as sleepless nights, endless “what ifs,” difficulty making decisions, replaying conversations long after they’ve ended, or a mind that simply will not switch off.
At its core, overthinking is a protective response that tries very diligently to keep you safe.
What overthinking actually is
Overthinking happens when the mind moves from helpful reflection into unproductive mental looping. Instead of arriving at clarity, you circle the same territory again and again, often becoming more distressed rather than more certain. It tends to take two main forms:
Rumination — repeatedly going over the past
“Why did I say that?” “I should have done something differently.”
Worry — trying to predict and control the future
“What if this goes wrong?” “What if I can’t cope?”
Both are attempts to solve uncertainty. Both create the illusion of control, and both keep the nervous system in a state of activation.
Many people who overthink are thoughtful, conscientious, and highly attuned to consequences. Their mind works hard to anticipate risk and prevent pain. Overthinking can be fuelled by:
Anxiety or chronic stress
Perfectionism and fear of getting it wrong
A strong sense of responsibility for others
Past experiences where mistakes had significant consequences
Difficulty tolerating uncertainty
A nervous system that struggles to settle
In other words, overthinking often develops as a protective strategy. At some point in your life, staying mentally alert and prepared likely felt necessary. The problem is that what once protected you can later exhaust you.
Why overthinking doesn’t work (even though it feels like it should)
Thinking is useful. Problem-solving is useful. Reflection is useful.
Overthinking is different.
It rarely produces new information. Instead, it magnifies doubt, heightens emotion, and keeps you stuck in analysis rather than action. If you’re an overthinker, you may recognise the experience of feeling:
Mentally drained but no closer to a decision
Increasingly anxious the more you think
Unable to relax because your mind feels “unfinished”
Detached from the present moment
Frustrated with yourself for not being able to stop
Your brain is trying to resolve uncertainty, but uncertainty is not something thinking alone can eliminate.
The emotional cost
Living in a constant state of mental overdrive is exhausting. It can affect sleep, concentration, mood, relationships, and physical health.
Over time, overthinking shrinks your world. Decisions become harder. Risks feel bigger. Everyday interactions carry a disproportionate weight.
Perhaps most painfully, it can disconnect you from your own intuition. When every option is interrogated to death, it becomes difficult to trust yourself.
The hidden driver: Intolerance of uncertainty
One of the deepest roots of overthinking is difficulty tolerating not knowing. The mind believes: If I think hard enough, long enough, I will find certainty. However, life rarely offers certainty. It offers probabilities, imperfect choices, and outcomes we cannot fully control. Learning to live alongside uncertainty, rather than trying to eliminate it, is often the real work and the aspect we tend to focus on in therapy most often.
Gentle ways to interrupt overthinking
There is no single technique that switches off an overactive mind overnight. However, small shifts practiced consistently can make a profound difference.
1. Name what is happening
Simply noticing “I am overthinking right now” creates a small but important gap between you and the spiral. Awareness reduces automaticity.
2. Ask: Is this useful thinking?
Helpful thinking moves you toward action or clarity. Unhelpful thinking goes in circles. If the same thoughts are repeating without progress, your mind has likely crossed the line into rumination or worry.
3. Shift from thinking to doing
Overthinking lives in the abstract. Action brings you back into the real world, and it doesn’t have to be dramatic. It might be:
Writing down the problem and one small next step
Sending the email you’ve been drafting in your head
Standing up and moving your body
Completing a simple, concrete task
A helpful reminder is: Action grounds. Thinking floats.
4. Set boundaries around worry
Paradoxically, trying to suppress thoughts often intensifies them. Some people find it helpful to designate a specific “worry window” each day. Outside that time, gently postpone the thoughts. This signals to your brain that concerns are not being ignored, they’re just being contained.
5. Return to the body
Overthinking is a cognitive strategy, but anxiety lives in the body. Slow breathing, sensory awareness, walking, or physical grounding can calm the nervous system, making it easier for the mind to settle.
6. Practice self-compassion
Many people add a second layer of distress by criticising themselves for overthinking.
“You’re ridiculous.”
“Just stop.”
“What’s wrong with you?”
This harshness increases anxiety, which increases overthinking. You might instead gently acknowledge, “It makes sense that my mind is busy right now.” Even this small moment of kindness can soften the spiral.
When overthinking becomes a pattern
If overthinking feels constant, intrusive, or deeply distressing, it may be linked to underlying anxiety, trauma, or chronic stress patterns. Therapy can help you understand not just how to interrupt the thoughts, but why your mind learned to operate this way in the first place. In a safe therapeutic space, you can learn to:
Regulate your nervous system
Tolerate uncertainty more comfortably
Rebuild trust in your own judgement
Develop kinder internal dialogue
Shift from hypervigilance to steadiness
The goal is not to eliminate thinking. It is to create a mind that works for you rather than against you.
A gentle reframe
Overthinking is not a weakness. It is vigilance without rest. Your mind is trying to protect you from pain, failure, rejection, or loss. It simply does not know when it is safe to stand down. Healing often involves teaching your system that you do not have to solve everything in advance to be ok.
A closing thought
Overthinking thrives on the belief that everything must be solved right now. We forget that in reality, life rarely asks that of us. When you allow yourself to step out of the loop of overthinking, even briefly, you give your nervous system a chance to settle and your perspective a chance to return. From there, decisions feel less impossible, and the present moment becomes available again.
Go gently,
Dearbhaill
